Top 10 Reasons I Quit Cable

After back-to-back blog posts regarding smoking and drinking, I thought I’d discuss something else America is addicted to: television.

Oh, but not me. I turned off the cable two weeks ago and I haven’t looked back. In fact, I haven’t looked at much of anything recently. Not only do I have nothing better to do, I have nothing to do. So I just go to bed right after dinner. Less informed but sleeping like a freaking baby. Well, more like a rock, because I’ve noticed since becoming a dad that sometimes babies aren’t exemplary sleepers. Of course, neither are rocks. They are inanimate. Hmmm. Maybe I should simply say I have been sleeping like an ordinary human with nothing to do after 7:30 pm is supposed to sleep. Well, all of this is a joke anyway, so who cares? You didn’t actually think I’d been sleeping for 10 hours a night, did you?

Okay, I’m horribly off-topic. So here are the top 10 reasons (there are plenty more than that) I quit cable:

10. Tired of getting sucked in to watching four straight hours of the National Spelling Bee.

9. When Animal Planet is interviewing Charlie Sheen, it’s gone too far.

8. Running out of lamps to break from watching N.C. State play basketball.

7. Couldn’t flip channels anymore because watching Judge Mathis for more than half a second depressed me for the rest of the day.

6. Censoring movies is now a seamless process. I miss the days where horrible and obvious attempts to censor actually made movies funnier.

5. The 6 pm Sportscenter is two weeks away from renaming its show “Cheats and Tweets”.

4. Realized that all of the money I sent in to Benny Hinn might be going towards his dry cleaning.

3. Cesar Milan attempting to rehabilitate Lindsay Lohan was just disturbing.

2. By Oprah getting her own channel, she is one step away from ruling the entire world. Couldn’t justify my hard-earned cheddar supporting that.

1. Jack Bauer didn’t get his own channel.