Fancy Feast. The greatest misnomer in the history of cat cuisine. Who are these wiseguys fooling? Your product is not fancy. You're serving it to a cat. They are always naked and get hairballs from licking themselves. Ooohh, fancy, fancy. Here comes the Duke, Patches Pitherton, finest calico in all of Brussels. Only three-piece suits and hand-carved pipes for this ostentatious feline. Smacks the dog with a white glove and poops in a spacious sandbox. C'mon, who are they kidding?
And stop it with the feast talk, okay? I have seen the container. You couldn't fit a Slim-Jim in there, much less an entire feast. True feasts are served on a large table. A Fancy Feast comes in a tin can and is generally served in a crusty, plastic bowl. Bon appetit, Monsieur Pitherton.
The commercials are laughable. Anyone ridiculous enough to serve their cat food in a crystal dish probably thinks their cat is actually having a feast. He is not. More than likely he's consuming a delectable helping of processed chicken legs in a stew of xinosacromycligobin. But what does he know? His brain is about the size of a Fancy Feast can, and we all know how big those are.
Word to you cat owners. If you really want to treat your cat to a fancy feast, let it hop up on the table at Christmas dinner and nibble on your turkey leg with you. But you probably do that already, don't you?
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